Well thanks for the guilt trip but...

Well today was pretty good, until the people I assumed would support me, knocked me down and tried to make me feel bad for the things I've written. I deleted one of my posts, however I am not sorry I wrote it. Yes it affected more than just me, but I can't pretend it didn't anymore. And if they want to go on pretending like it was never "that" bad then leave me out of it and let me be. Sometimes you have to help others by first helping yourself, and I knew no one would ever broach the topic. So I did. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't to make everyone look bad, or to hang out anyone's dirty laundry.

I have made it to the point, I can't pretend things from my past haven't affected how I am as a person. Or how I feel towards people in my life. This blog is for me to talk about how I feel about things and how they effected ME. I know people won't always like it, and if you don't then by all means by pass it and move on. I have tried and tried over the years to help and you know pretending and ignoring things doesn't help. There have been times when in a bad situation I have tried to divert attention to me to take it off of who was catching the brunt of it, and it never helped. But I tried, and the fact nothing has changed should prove that what everyone else is doing isn't working. Being afraid someone will find out something that they didn't know previously is ridiculace, in this family most of the issues we've had is far far from a secret. The only thing is that no one says anything, but that does not mean people are not aware of the situation.

I needed to open up for myself, to ease some of the pain, not just numb it. Maybe something good could have come out of it and we could have all had a support system, but you took almost any chance of that away. I am tired of being turned into the bad guy, I DIDN'T do anything WRONG! Just because you don't understand or wouldn't approach it in the way I did does NOT make it wrong. My family means everything to me, but if things I've gone through and things I've felt are too much for you to handle, I am not sorry, I didn't do it to myself, so please try to understand. Nothing I write or say is to make you mad or look bad, its just the truth and how I have perceived things over the years. Maybe we could try to fix it together instead of just trying to chew me up spit me and out and make me feel guilty about how I feel.

I love my family more than anything but I want us to be close again, and the things that go on don't make that possible. And how I feel should be understood, not taken as a personal attack. Please understand I did this to release things that have been brewing for years. Come to an understanding, think before you decide that everything I say was against you.