Things that you should have been warned about before parenthood

There are some things I really wish someone would have told me about before I had my first child. For instance:

 1. Using the toilet alone is a privilege, not a guarantee

 2. More than ten minutes in the bathroom, and they act like you went to the moon

 3. Trying to come up with the answers to question like "mommy where is sissy's weenis?" is not as easy as you thought it would be.

 4. Bribery only works for so long.

 5. If you ask your mom a question, don't expect advice, just a giggle, a snort, and the I remember when you did that.

  6. Getting a kiss from your kids is asking to be covered in whatever they just ate.

  7. Getting a break for a night can cause repercussions, from all the spoiling that went on when you were away

 8. People that don't have kids, can't understand why you can't just drop it and leave on a whim, or why you bring so much with you when you take them somewhere (anymore it's like packing for a week long trip)

 9. Trying to have sex before midnight anywhere but in your own room with the door locked, is like trying to tiptoe around landmines.

 10. last but not least, if you choose to stay at home, talking to a grown up other than your husband seems like an addiction to crack. You act crazy when you get it, and when you don't you'd chew your own arm off to get some.

I know its not always the same for everyone, but there are times when I wished they wrote about some of this stuff in those books they want you to read before you have kids. I think it all needs to come with a warning label. But hey in the end it's all something you can make fun of them for when they bring home their first date. We'll call it ammo for later!