The spark

I've heard that a lot of people have a hard time, after a while, finding that spark that they used to have as a couple. Let me say this, I have been there, done that. It is not an easy thing to find again, it takes a lot of work on both parts. For a while there I wasn't sure if we would ever find it again.

It has been the hardest over the last couple of years. We went through a lot of things and it snowballed almost to the point of no return. While I was pregnant for our daughter, I felt like I just wasn't something that he wanted anymore, no matter what he told me I just couldn't change the way I felt. Fat and alone. And it didn't change after we had her either, we couldn't spend much alone time together there wasn't anytime to just be a couple. So we went weeks and weeks without touching each other. Every time we would try to talk about it, a argument would break out and I would leave the room in tears. I never thought it would change. I really thought we were headed for divorce. When ever he would try to touch me I would feel pushed, and as if he just couldn't understand. Eventually he quit trying all together.


 I finally started to take stock of what it was that was really bothering me. Between the kids and the house I didn't really feel like a woman anymore. I just felt like a mom, and I couldn't understand how to be both. And that was something he couldn't fix for me, I had to fix it for myself. I started approaching the small things, like buying myself a sexy bra, or some cute underwear. Because I wanted them, not just because someone else wanted me to. Then I kissed my husband I tried not to think about all the other stuff, but just how it felt to be closer to him. I had to relearn how to enjoy myself and him as my husband, not just as a father to my kids, and the money maker. I taught myself to be sensual again in order to bring the spark back to our marriage.

It was a longer process than I had thought it would be, but anything worth while always is. Now it's so much better, we make the time to be together, even if its just to kiss each other for a while and not make it much further. It might not be the big kaboom, but its better than not touching each other at all. We now try to do little things through out the day as a reminder that we're thinking about one another. It could be a facebook message, or a voice mail, but its a reminder that helps when things get stressful. Sometimes we might not get together as much as we would like to, but that's why when we do we try to make it worth it to at least hold on to till the next time.

I guess what I can say is if you want someone to make you feel sexy, and wanted you have to feel like you should be wanted and that its ok to be sexy and a mom. Without feeling like you're taking something away from either one. Its a slow process and it has to be tweaked and processes have to be changed, but if you really want it it can be done. One day at a time. Slowly the spark will begin to glow again, as long as you make sure to throw some kindling on it once in a while.