Not the Stereotypical Stay-at-home Mother

So I got to thinking today about some of the stereotypical, stay at home mom things, and realized, I really don't fit the stereo type. I might stay at home, but I am not any good at baking. I hate to dust, and I really wish I got paid better for the things I clean out of my bathroom. Being a stay at home mom might have its perks but it has some serious pitfalls too. There is no calling in sick or playing hooky you are always on duty. Even though I'm home all the time my house is not immaculately clean or organized, I don't keep my kids on a strict schedule (when I tried that all it did was frustrate us all), When they're hungry I let them have a snack. Bribery is not a foreign concept, when I need ten minutes of peace and quiet, and sometimes toys get "lost" when I clean the playroom. I will admit to getting into a full out screaming match with my 4 year old, (I don't win those very often). And sometimes the TV is my best friend.

Everyone needs that time to disconnect from their "profession", my profession just happens to be something I can't just unplug from. I have done some things that  aren't recommended in those parenting books, or those nanny shows, but my kids are well taken care of and don't seem to be suffering any worse for it. I've been called a mean mommy by my son when I have taken away his favorite toy as punishment for doing something wrong. But then when I let him have ice cream or cookies right after cereal, so I can at least get the floor vacuumed I am the best mom ever.

Oh and watch out I took him to an appointment and the nurse said my son was overweight and I didn't panic or freak out. He is FOUR not fourteen, his favorite foods are carrots and celery (seriously, not even with dressing or dip), and when he stands up straight and lifts his arms up his ribs stick out. What to they expect me to do, make all our lives miserable, because he isn't pencil thin and banned from ALL snacks?

Homemaker might be my profession, but that does not mean I have to do it the way everyone else thinks it should be done. We have fun, and yes we argue, and sometimes the house is a wreck, and sometimes I'd rather order takeout than dirty one more dish for the hundredth time, but there is no reason to look at me like I'm killing my child, I promise he might start fitting now, but when I give in to the next demand all will be right with his world.

Losing my mind at home

I don't always like being a stay at home mom. Sometimes I feel as if its more stressful than a regular job. At least with a 9 to 5 you can leave work at work (most of the time). With staying at home its just always there 24 hours a day. It can get mind numbing, doing the same thing over and over again everyday. I thought about going back to work, but financially it didn't make sense. I know that sounds crazy, but with the price of day care for 2 kids 8 hours a day swing shift, and gas in the car it would cost me more to work than I would get paid. I love my kids and they can be tons of fun, sometimes though just feeling constantly at everyone's beck and call starts to make me crazy. Its hard to find time for myself in this situation, but I need it so bad sometimes just to rein in the insanity and make it manageable.

Guilt starts to creep up on me sometimes. I know there are a lot of people out there that would give anything to stay at home with their kids and spend time with them, and here I am thinking about how crazy it makes me sometimes. But then again some people get date night, no kids just each other, time to reconnect. I am not one of those lucky ones. My reconnect time is between 11pm and 1am when the kids are sleeping, and its cut short by the need for sleep. Then in the morning it all starts over again, kids get breakfast, start picking up the mess from the night before, laundry, cleaning up everyone's nasty leave behinds in the bathroom, vacuum, scrub, wash, rotate, over and over again. It just seems like a never ending battle.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results, well then I am insane. That's what I do every single day. No holidays, no weekends off, no vacation, no raise, not a lot of appreciation. Everything is expected or assumed, I am here so it should be done, and occasionally I feel the same way. Other times I think I'm only one person how can I do it all by myself all the time. I've learned that if I let things go and "take it easy" and relax through the day I will pay for it later. What I didn't do will be twice as bad as it was before, because no one else will be here to assist. I don't know what to do to ease the frustration. I've tried to change up the routine, that only gets so far, I still have to do all the same things regardless of order, and then I learned why I do it in the same order all the time (no point in cleaning something to dirty another). Who do you ask for help when there is no one available? Where do you turn, when you know you're losing your mind?

I miss looking forward to time off. Goals to reach, like a promotion or a raise. Something to show for my hard work, something to strive for, besides a clean house. Where are the signs of progress? The thank you for all you do, just the forward progression. Basically being my own boss might sound great, but you can't give yourself a thank you and have it mean diddly. 

Staying at home

There are times when I'm not sure that I am cut out for this stay at home mom stuff. Sometimes all I want to do is escape the repetitive nature of it all. Then I look back at how it was when I worked all the time. They both have their good points, and both can occasionally make you want to tear your hair out. For instance when I worked all the time the house was always a wreck, we had take out almost all the time, and there by we were broker than crap. Now at least I can attempt to keep my house clean, and dinner is almost always made in our own kitchen. That does not mean I am not busy, I always love how people think you have it easy because you stay at home, those that think that have never tried it. I clean all day long, sometimes the same think 4 or 5 times a day, because every time i get it clean someone messes it up again. I don't get any alone time, and most nights I cook, clean and chase kids around the house until I drop.I do not just sit at home watching TV eating bon bons and napping (who on earth has bon bons lying around the house anyway?). Anyone that thinks staying at home would be so fun and easy should try it for a while. Its repetitive, it does not pay well, and you better enjoy cooking and cleaning. If you're a stay at home mom like me pat yourself on the back, god knows we don't get enough credit for it. For those that aren't let me know what it's like to do something that involves grown ups, I'm starting to forget what that's like.