A formal lesson in frustration when shopping with children

I remember before I had kids seeing people in the store with kids screaming, crying, and running all over the place, and I used to think "wow why isn't that kid's parent doing anything about that?". Then I had kids, I have been to the store, and stared in horror as my son threw himself on the floor and flailed around, over wanting one of the TV carts. Or found things in the cart as we were leaving that he had decided he wanted and put in front of cart with him (not a normal cart, but the one with the little car at the end). I have seen and been through every fit and tantrum possible, not to mention multiple trips to the bathroom (sometimes finding my cart gone and had to start all over again). I've gotten those looks from strangers that seem to say "why aren't you handling that?", or from the ones that can relate its the "oh god I'm so sorry, but I'm so glad that's not me" (I'm guilty of that one too).

Sometimes I see those moms or dads walking though the store with kids younger than my oldest, walking nicely next to the cart not saying or touching anything. It makes me want to run up and ask how they get them to do that. I figured out really quickly that what I used to think was bad parenting isn't always the case, sometimes as a parent in the store you become at a loss as to how to handle it without leaving and coming back at midnight without the children. I have been so embarrassed over my son's tantrums, and my girl's fitting from not wanting to be in the seat that I didn't think I could make it down two aisles. Nothing is more uncomfortable than having people stare at your children like they're possessed. I thought about telling this one old lady "oh don't worry its a side affect" just to get her to stop shaking her head at me. I have to admit that sometimes I get a little bit of enjoyment watching someone else dealing with a tantrum, because then for once its not my kids.

I will give the kids a little bit of credit though, sometimes its funny to get the people staring because they're singing a silly song really loud. Or make those insane happy sounds that could break glass. I find it funny, because I know its not a fit so I smile, sing and dance along. With the stares of complete strangers and looks of confusion following me down the aisle. Little do they know with in the next four aisles my smiling and singing will turn into looks of terror and petrification as the singing turns into loud begging and escape attempts.

Not the Stereotypical Stay-at-home Mother

So I got to thinking today about some of the stereotypical, stay at home mom things, and realized, I really don't fit the stereo type. I might stay at home, but I am not any good at baking. I hate to dust, and I really wish I got paid better for the things I clean out of my bathroom. Being a stay at home mom might have its perks but it has some serious pitfalls too. There is no calling in sick or playing hooky you are always on duty. Even though I'm home all the time my house is not immaculately clean or organized, I don't keep my kids on a strict schedule (when I tried that all it did was frustrate us all), When they're hungry I let them have a snack. Bribery is not a foreign concept, when I need ten minutes of peace and quiet, and sometimes toys get "lost" when I clean the playroom. I will admit to getting into a full out screaming match with my 4 year old, (I don't win those very often). And sometimes the TV is my best friend.

Everyone needs that time to disconnect from their "profession", my profession just happens to be something I can't just unplug from. I have done some things that  aren't recommended in those parenting books, or those nanny shows, but my kids are well taken care of and don't seem to be suffering any worse for it. I've been called a mean mommy by my son when I have taken away his favorite toy as punishment for doing something wrong. But then when I let him have ice cream or cookies right after cereal, so I can at least get the floor vacuumed I am the best mom ever.

Oh and watch out I took him to an appointment and the nurse said my son was overweight and I didn't panic or freak out. He is FOUR not fourteen, his favorite foods are carrots and celery (seriously, not even with dressing or dip), and when he stands up straight and lifts his arms up his ribs stick out. What to they expect me to do, make all our lives miserable, because he isn't pencil thin and banned from ALL snacks?

Homemaker might be my profession, but that does not mean I have to do it the way everyone else thinks it should be done. We have fun, and yes we argue, and sometimes the house is a wreck, and sometimes I'd rather order takeout than dirty one more dish for the hundredth time, but there is no reason to look at me like I'm killing my child, I promise he might start fitting now, but when I give in to the next demand all will be right with his world.

Then and Now

Then and now.........

Partying: Then, wake up at noon, start drinking at five, up till 3.
              Now, 2 beers feels like 10, in bed by ten up at 7am

Romance: Then, Dinner out, movie, making love all night long by candle light.
                Now, quick dinner in, toy story 2, making love for 20 minutes quietly no candles they draw too much attention hurry up and finish so there is time to sleep before kids get up.

Vacation: Then, one bag a long car ride, spend almost entire time in the room, with minimal clothing.
                Now, whole trunk and car filled to the roof (plus stuff strapped to the top), try not to spend much time in the room so kids don't make everyone crazy, multiple layers of clothes to avoid the awkward questions about anatomy.

Taking pictures: Then, everyone is of someone doing something crazy, while holding up drinks, and laughing like a hyena at every idiotic thing going on.
                          Now, all of them are of kids covered in some kind of food, or of them covering you in it. No drinks unless its in a sippy cup or is caffeinated.

Hangover: Then, didn't really know what one was.
                 Now, more than two drinks and you feel like you got hit by a train and thrown into a volcano

Going to the store: Then, go in get what you need and leave.
                             Now, go in wrestle kids into cart, chase the escapee down an aisle, trying to keep things we don't need out of the cart, hurrying up so the happy time doesn't turn into the screaming time. three trips to the bathroom, and still forget half of what you needed.

Stopping for gas: Then, pump gas, pay and leave.
                           Now, pay, take a list in of all the requests from the back seat, try not to take longer than 2minutes so no one thinks you left the kids in the car for too long and calls the cops, get out pump gas, then someone needs to use the bathroom and go back in and come back out and then hopefully leave.

 It's just kinda silly to think about the difference in the way the simple things even become a ten step process. Crack me up anymore to think that I used to be in and out of the store in half an hour.

Things that you should have been warned about before parenthood

There are some things I really wish someone would have told me about before I had my first child. For instance:

 1. Using the toilet alone is a privilege, not a guarantee

 2. More than ten minutes in the bathroom, and they act like you went to the moon

 3. Trying to come up with the answers to question like "mommy where is sissy's weenis?" is not as easy as you thought it would be.

 4. Bribery only works for so long.

 5. If you ask your mom a question, don't expect advice, just a giggle, a snort, and the I remember when you did that.

  6. Getting a kiss from your kids is asking to be covered in whatever they just ate.

  7. Getting a break for a night can cause repercussions, from all the spoiling that went on when you were away

 8. People that don't have kids, can't understand why you can't just drop it and leave on a whim, or why you bring so much with you when you take them somewhere (anymore it's like packing for a week long trip)

 9. Trying to have sex before midnight anywhere but in your own room with the door locked, is like trying to tiptoe around landmines.

 10. last but not least, if you choose to stay at home, talking to a grown up other than your husband seems like an addiction to crack. You act crazy when you get it, and when you don't you'd chew your own arm off to get some.

I know its not always the same for everyone, but there are times when I wished they wrote about some of this stuff in those books they want you to read before you have kids. I think it all needs to come with a warning label. But hey in the end it's all something you can make fun of them for when they bring home their first date. We'll call it ammo for later!