I've made a decision.

I have come to the decision that I can not to help people that don't want to be helped. There have been many nights where I had a hard time sleeping trying to come up with fixes to problems, I know in the end no one will try to fix. It has been slowly driving me crazy. The things that go on sometimes bother me to the point of making me ill, but if they don't bother other people enough to find a way out of said situation, then what can I do?

I can't save someone that doesn't think they need saving, the only people I can save are myself and my family. So I have decided that is what I am doing. I have pulled myself out of a stressful situation, and some of the consequences might bother me, but I know when you have to say enough. No child should have to watch they're parents get upset and stressed out over things that are out of their control. I will not take other people's burdens as my own. All it has ever done is put stress on my family, and my marriage. Some people don't think that a child will understand when something goes on in a house whether negative or positive, but in the end they notice way more than any one realizes.

My children and my husband are the most important people in my life, and they deserve to have me at my best. And I can not be totally there for them when I am consumed by other peoples issues. I have tried to find a way to balance my family's and everyone else problems, but in the end I get consumed by fixing everyone elses issues cause their problems seem to be worse and bigger than mine. But there by my problems get bigger, and are no longer simple fixes.

I will no longer be the cheer leader on the sideline of everyone elses crap, I'm tired of saying "go go you can do it, it'll be fine, you can do it" and having it not really mean anything. Nothing will change no effort will be made, so what exactly am I cheering for? I will not feel bad for something that is not my fault. I will not take it upon myself to fix everyone else, and allow myself to fall apart.

I will not feel bad that my problems aren't as big as someone elses so they don't matter. Feeling bad for how I feel, or what I think is no longer an option. I am an individual and am allowed to do that, and not feel bad because someone else doesn't like it. There is no more feeling guilty for things that I can not control or fix. Just because my problems aren't off the charts crazy does not mean they're not bothering me, and being told how much worse, or how the same somebody elses are, makes me ill-legitimized. And I will no longer put up with that.

I do not enjoy being compared and picked apart, and I will no longer pretend like it doesn't bother me. I deserve the same respect I give to others. And until that day, I am going to concentrate on what my family and I need without feeling bad about it. They are my life, and who need me the most, and sometimes you just have to know when to say when.